Ancient Greek anecdotes are witty and instructive.

They make us laugh but also express the ancient Greek spirit in its cutest form.

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Someone told Aristippus that Laida does not love him, but she pretends to love him.

Aristippus answered:
"Neither wine nor fish love me, but I enjoy them".

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A man said to his inquiring wife:
“What do you want us to do?, eat or make love".
She told him:
"The,what do you want, anyway we don't have any bread".

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Someone said to Diogenes:
"Your fellow citizens condemned you to exile".
And the philosopher answered:
"I also condemned them to stay in their place".

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Gemini, an ophthalmologist of the time examines a girl's eye. Diogenes sees him.

Diogenes knows that Didymon is an amorous type, commonly women. And he says to him "Watch out Gemini, maybe
examining the eye, you wear the daughter out".

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Some praised the Helios in front of Agis, because they were very fair judges in the Olympic games.

Agis asked curiously:
– And it is so important that the Eliians once in four years become righteous;

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A father asked Aristippus to teach his son. The philosopher asked for a fee 500 drachmas. The father considered the amount excessive.
-"With so much money", he said, "I could buy an animal".
-"Buy", said Aristippus, "and so you'll have two".

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Diogenes was asking alms from a statue. When they asked him why he does such a thing he answered:
– I practice not being put off by people's insensitivity.

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They urged Philip of Macedon to banish someone who maligned him. Philip answered:
– You are not well!! Do you want me to send him to accuse me and s’ other places;

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A bald man was cursing Diogenes. The philosopher turned and said to him:
"I don't return your insults, but I would like to say one thing “Well done” at
your hair, because they got rid of an evil head".
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Someone asked Antisthenes what kind of woman would be suitable for marriage. The philosopher said to him:
"The matter is difficult. If you marry well, you will have it in common with others, if ugly, it will be like being punished".

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Aristotle was informed by someone that some were cursing him.
The philosopher replied: "I don't care at all. When I'm away, accept
even if they whip me".

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Source: “Ancient Greek Jokes” – Savvala Publications